So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
