Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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