I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
