I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
