Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
