Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
