you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
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