WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
