just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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