Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
