You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
