Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
