There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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