Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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