i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
