Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
