i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
