There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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