Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I want her autograph on my taint
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize