I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
third nipple confirmed
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
