Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
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Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
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Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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