hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just gift wrapped bread.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
