i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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