Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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