she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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