The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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