I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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