frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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