the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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