She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
