I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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