Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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