i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My bed smells like the plague
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