If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
