About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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