How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
