I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize