Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
