I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
