Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
