If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
