i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Semen is not good for contacts.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
