i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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