brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
His hands were made for my vagina.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
