Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
