Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
