i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
