garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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