Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
