My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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