I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
