I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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