That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
