with your own penis?
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
