I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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