idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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