Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Randomize
