when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
