There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
