I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
