And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
