Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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