I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
