i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
